As I sit here with my 3 week old baby in my arms I have just rediscovered this draft post I wrote approximately 39 weeks ago… only 6 weeks into my pregnancy journey. Little did I know that my sickness would last 16 weeks not 12…little did I know that there was no magic 12 week mark this pregnancy where you hit the second trimester and feel amazing again. Little did I know that we would hold out till 14 weeks before sharing our good news. That meant 14 weeks of suffering by myself with no support.
Thank goodness the whole eating to feel better only lasted two weeks. I put on about 3kgs those first few weeks of pregnancy as I ate all day long! After that it changed to where I felt severly sick IF I ate…I literally lived on chocolate macadamia milk that first trimester. I can’t fathom the thought of drinking that again now though, it brings back too many sick memories!
So I am sitting here nearly 6 weeks pregnant and thinking to myself why on earth does society lead us to believe that we need to keep our pregnancy under wraps for 12 weeks. 12 of the hardest weeks ever I might add. I understand the risk of miscarriage is higher before 12 weeks but isn’t that even more reason to tell people? If worst case scenario happens (god forbid) shouldn’t we have a support network there ready to help us through that difficult time instead of grieving by ourselves with everyone none the wiser about the loss we have experienced?
I am just sitting here trying to wrap my head around it. Its bloody hard work growing a tiny human, especially over the first 12 weeks. Its like being constantly hungover. Its the only way I can describe it. I am comatose most days by 2pm and wake up freaking out I have missed school pick up. Its a level of exhaustion like no other. My eyes get heavier and my whole body gets heavier and I cannot fight it…I need to lie down and within minutes I am out cold and wake up in a pool of drool. On top of the fatigue its the constant wave of nausea. I guess I’m a lucky one so far and not actually vomiting yet but the only way for me to combat the nausea is to eat. So I am an eating machine, but too tired to make myself food and end up reaching for crap.
We haven’t told anyone yet, not even family. We actually only just found out ourselves for sure this week. I keep wanting to ask advice online for midwife recommendations, for what food could help me get through this constant iffy tummy (without the need for eating 24/7 as I can see that I am going to end up the size of a small whale at this rate), for shared room inspo… there are so many things I want to get advice about but society tells me to keep it a secret.
I guess what I am saying is wouldn’t it be great right now to have a support network all geared up already helping me through what I believe is the hardest stage of pregnancy. Friends helping with school pick up in case I am still comatose on the couch, people cooking me food or bringing me snacks to help with the nausea (GIMME ALL THE FOOD), friends helping with Arden because I tell ya a 3 year old doesn’t stop…even when I pass out on the couch he’s still roaming free getting up to god knows what. Actually I must admit on one occasion already this week he spent 90% of his day set up in his room, still in his PJ’s and watching the iPad as I was feeling too crook to even think about mothering the little humans I already have.
Anyway thats whats going through my mind at the moment as I think about how on earth I am going to survive feeling this shit for another 6 weeks whilst still giving the two kiddies I already have everything they need. I can tell you how right now. My family will help me through…but I know there are so many people here you don’t live near their families so may not have that support. It takes a village to raise a child. That includes helping the mumma grow that baby! At 12 weeks things get good. No more sickness (hopefully), no more eating like you have never seen food before in my life (no just me?), no more naps in the middle of the day, we may actually start looking pregnant instead of just fat with a set of new giant boobs, and hopefully energy and motivation will return to get ready for this baby….AND THIS IS WHEN WE TELL PEOPLE?
I never thought about this with either of my first two pregnancies, but I guess the more you have the more you have to juggle and the less time you get to look after yourself, and thats when you gotta get in the help!
Anyway I am probably over 12 weeks by now, because society told me not to tell anyone so I have waited 6 weeks to share how I was feeling with you. I am probably all fine and dandy now and the constant hangover is a thing of the past but these were my thoughts, sitting at home by myself thinking about what else I can stuff in my mouth to stop feeling ill without getting fat, after only 4 days of feeling like absolute poo (OMG I HAVE 42 MORE DAYS TO GO) at Im guessing nearly 6 weeks up the duff.